Let's Talk About BDD
Body Dysmorphia is one of the least spoken-about mental illnesses out there; everyone has at least some knowledge on depression, anxiety and eating disorders, but for me, my first real encounter with the term was when a therapist was diagnosing me with it. This, understandably, led me to do a lot of research, and a year later, I think I’m ready to talk about it.
The NHS website describes Body Dysmorphic Disorder (or BDD) as ‘an anxiety disorder that causes a person to have a distorted view of how they look and to spend a lot of time worrying about their appearance.’ Now it’s easy to assume, as I initially did, that this just counts as low self-esteem, right? To a certain extent, that’s true, but the distinction is that BDD becomes an obsession. Feeling insecure is an occasional occurrence; the disorder is constant. It’s turning up an hour late to events because you were worried about how you looked. It’s looking in the mirror and feeling physically repulsed. It’s compulsive habits to ‘solve’ problem areas, such as excessive make up, hair brushing or picking at skin. It’s dieting and even cosmetic surgery. For me, it was refusing to even believe you have it under the rationale that “I’m not insecure, I’m just ugly.” Oh the irony.
Now, luckily my case wasn’t TOO bad; just a couple of skipped school days because I only had one pair of tights to wear and I absolutely had to be wearing two, and the occasional impulse to just cut off my legs altogether because ‘at least prosthetic legs are thin’. But, being a year older and having been forced to adapt, I think I’ve developed a few tips for people who are insecure about their appearance.
1) Track good days and bad days – there were some days when I felt really good about myself, and remembering that those days existed sometimes really helped me on the harder days. Knowing that it’s not 100% awful all the time can really rationalise your thinking within a disorder that is the opposite of rational. Take selfies on good days, make a chart and mark the date. Let yourself know that it’s not ALL bad.
2) Write down compliments – Okay this one may feel silly, but honestly it’s SO easy to overlook all the good things people say about you, to focus on one negative comment. If you note down every time someone compliments you, even if it's on something tiny, you’ll soon realise that people see you in a much more objective light than you do, because they’re not studying every single flaw in the mirror for hours.
3) Find a celebrity/role model who looks similar to you – this one was really really vital for me. The day I discovered the world of plus-size models was a turning point for me; they were hot! Seeing someone who looks like you absolutely killing it can inject you with just the amount of confidence you need to realise you’re also killing it.
4) Let yourself be ugly - know that it's not your job to be beautiful. It's not your purpose in life, and it's only a fraction of what makes you who you are. On a list of all things you should be in life, beautiful is at the bottom, if at all. Start with letting yourself be ugly at home. I used to lose sleep if I thought I didn't look nice in my pyjamas....ridiculous I know. It was when I found myself putting concealer on before bed that I realised I'd gone too far, and that I was doing more damage than good. In the end, beauty is temporary, good character is forever.
I hope some of these helped, and that you all have a great week.
