Self Confidence 101: By Someone Who Hasn't Got There Yet
It may seem slightly hypocritical of me to talk about being self confidence when I've not yet reached a point where that's a reality for me, BUT if we wait until we're ready, we'll never get anything done. My confidence has definitely improved somewhat since I was a shy young thirteen year old, and I've made quite a journey to get from that point in my life to where I am now, and why not celebrate that a little by writing about how I got there/am getting there
#1: Don't Compare
There are so many times I'd see a blog, or read a book, or see someone's weight-loss journey and think "why am I not that good?" There's a really simple answer. They are a different person to me. Their journey is different, the challenges they've faced are different, and they've got a different destination. We're all individuals, and although that's something really basic, it's something you really need to get your head around before you can make any progress. You are not comparable to those around you, because you are the ONLY one who is like you. Now you can see that as a negative, or you can embrace that and see it as an amazing opportunity to offer something completely unique to the world.
Whether you believe in fate, or that God has a plan for you (hint: he does) or you believe in making your own way in life, believing that you're not doing as well as others is NEVER beneficial and is also completely pointless. Embrace you. You're the only one there is.
#2: Join In
Saw an amazing quote the other day, which I shall paraphrase out of laziness: "You're never going to look back and be thankful that you didn't swim in the lake because your thighs were wobbly, or didn't perform enough in case you messed up. You're going to look back and be thankful for the opportunities you did take, not the chances you didn't."
This quote means so much to me, for one massive reason. I used to love swimming. I used to be really good at swimming. It was my favourite sport and I would jump at the opportunity to swim at any chance I could. Until puberty. Suddenly I was aware of my body, and suddenly being in a swimming costume became something I dreaded. 7 years of no swimming later, I'm finally realising how dumb I'm being. I've missed out of 7 years of not jumping in the lake, and not swimming in the ocean, and not sitting in hot-tubs with my friends, because I'm more concerned with looking good than having fun, and that's sad. It's pathetic, even.
Now I'm not saying I'm going to magically be confident and get my kit off and run around in a bikini, because seven years of being self concious doesn't disappear overnight. But realising that I was denying myself some amazing memories purely because of a little thigh-wobble was a wake-up call, and now when people ask if I want to jump in with them, the answer is maybe.
#3: Take Compliments
When someone compliments you, they mean it. If someone walks past you and says "I like your dress" or sends you a message saying "great post", they mean it. If people go out of their way to say something nice, trust me, it's genuine. Once you get over yourself and realise that people aren't just trying to make you happy with whatever their saying, and that they might just be being honest, then this becomes a lot easier to accept.
Write down compliments. I don't care if it makes you feel lame. Write them down. Every single one. Read them. Re-read them. Tattoo them on your forehead if that's what it takes. Don't shut someone down if they go out of their way to compliment you - take it in, and say thank you. It's THAT easy.
#4: Realise That No-One Cares
Okay this one sounds a little harsh, but it's true. When I go out, I assess every single part of my outfit meticulously, and recently I've realised that it's a massive waste of time. When you walk down the street thinking "I really hope no-one notices I haven't shaved my legs. Oh no they looked at my hair is there something wrong with it? They smiled at me funny, what's on my face??" Guess what. Pretty much everyone you walk past is probably having the same inner-monologue running. Once I noticed how much I thought about myself, I realised that literally nobody thinks about me as much as I do. Nobody cares if my skirt is a different shade of black to my top. Nobody really cares if my toenails aren't painted perfectly. Nobody is going to lose sleep if my voice cracks in a performance. You wouldn't guess it, but there's no better feeling than realising that no-one cares.
#5: Ditch Anyone Who Holds You Back.
Have you ever received a compliment that tasted a little funny in your mouth? For example, I saw an old friend the other day who went on and on about how much better I looked now that I'd lost a bit of weight, and that I "didn't used to be skinny" but how I'm "pretty now!". This whole lecture they gave me was probably meant with good intentions, but needless to say, it didn't quite have that effect.
What I'm saying is, if there are people in your life who belittle you, or make you feel annoying, or only have time for you if you're a certain way, ditch them. Please. Life is way too short to fill it with people who don't make you feel like you're worthy. Linking back to that little anecdote, this is especially important when they're subtle about it. If someone can't compliment you without also making you feel bad, leave them. They're toxic, and you don't need that. You deserve to be loved, and you deserve to feel loved.
#6: Fake It
Ever put a Beyonce song on, and some heels, and pretended to be her? Makes you feel pretty indestructible, huh? Well if you translate some of that fake confidence into real life, it ends up having a similar effect. Confidence isn't walking into a room and thinking you're better than everyone else. It's walking into a room without having to even compare yourself. Adopt this approach, and begin with body language. Hold your shoulders back, make eye contact, smile at people and stand tall. The more you look like you're confident, the more you start to feel it. Compliment yourself, even if you start out jokingly. Look in the mirror, wink at yourself, tell yourself how amazing you are. Take a thousand selfies. Share them, What begins as fake self-assurance slowly begins to become habitual self-assurance and you find yourself believing the things you say. If not, you still have fun, and the outcome is the same.
I have so much more to say but this is slowly turning into an essay. I'll leave you with this; You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Have a good week.
#1: Don't Compare
There are so many times I'd see a blog, or read a book, or see someone's weight-loss journey and think "why am I not that good?" There's a really simple answer. They are a different person to me. Their journey is different, the challenges they've faced are different, and they've got a different destination. We're all individuals, and although that's something really basic, it's something you really need to get your head around before you can make any progress. You are not comparable to those around you, because you are the ONLY one who is like you. Now you can see that as a negative, or you can embrace that and see it as an amazing opportunity to offer something completely unique to the world.
Whether you believe in fate, or that God has a plan for you (hint: he does) or you believe in making your own way in life, believing that you're not doing as well as others is NEVER beneficial and is also completely pointless. Embrace you. You're the only one there is.
#2: Join In
Saw an amazing quote the other day, which I shall paraphrase out of laziness: "You're never going to look back and be thankful that you didn't swim in the lake because your thighs were wobbly, or didn't perform enough in case you messed up. You're going to look back and be thankful for the opportunities you did take, not the chances you didn't."
This quote means so much to me, for one massive reason. I used to love swimming. I used to be really good at swimming. It was my favourite sport and I would jump at the opportunity to swim at any chance I could. Until puberty. Suddenly I was aware of my body, and suddenly being in a swimming costume became something I dreaded. 7 years of no swimming later, I'm finally realising how dumb I'm being. I've missed out of 7 years of not jumping in the lake, and not swimming in the ocean, and not sitting in hot-tubs with my friends, because I'm more concerned with looking good than having fun, and that's sad. It's pathetic, even.
Now I'm not saying I'm going to magically be confident and get my kit off and run around in a bikini, because seven years of being self concious doesn't disappear overnight. But realising that I was denying myself some amazing memories purely because of a little thigh-wobble was a wake-up call, and now when people ask if I want to jump in with them, the answer is maybe.
#3: Take Compliments
When someone compliments you, they mean it. If someone walks past you and says "I like your dress" or sends you a message saying "great post", they mean it. If people go out of their way to say something nice, trust me, it's genuine. Once you get over yourself and realise that people aren't just trying to make you happy with whatever their saying, and that they might just be being honest, then this becomes a lot easier to accept.
Write down compliments. I don't care if it makes you feel lame. Write them down. Every single one. Read them. Re-read them. Tattoo them on your forehead if that's what it takes. Don't shut someone down if they go out of their way to compliment you - take it in, and say thank you. It's THAT easy.
#4: Realise That No-One Cares
Okay this one sounds a little harsh, but it's true. When I go out, I assess every single part of my outfit meticulously, and recently I've realised that it's a massive waste of time. When you walk down the street thinking "I really hope no-one notices I haven't shaved my legs. Oh no they looked at my hair is there something wrong with it? They smiled at me funny, what's on my face??" Guess what. Pretty much everyone you walk past is probably having the same inner-monologue running. Once I noticed how much I thought about myself, I realised that literally nobody thinks about me as much as I do. Nobody cares if my skirt is a different shade of black to my top. Nobody really cares if my toenails aren't painted perfectly. Nobody is going to lose sleep if my voice cracks in a performance. You wouldn't guess it, but there's no better feeling than realising that no-one cares.
#5: Ditch Anyone Who Holds You Back.
Have you ever received a compliment that tasted a little funny in your mouth? For example, I saw an old friend the other day who went on and on about how much better I looked now that I'd lost a bit of weight, and that I "didn't used to be skinny" but how I'm "pretty now!". This whole lecture they gave me was probably meant with good intentions, but needless to say, it didn't quite have that effect.
What I'm saying is, if there are people in your life who belittle you, or make you feel annoying, or only have time for you if you're a certain way, ditch them. Please. Life is way too short to fill it with people who don't make you feel like you're worthy. Linking back to that little anecdote, this is especially important when they're subtle about it. If someone can't compliment you without also making you feel bad, leave them. They're toxic, and you don't need that. You deserve to be loved, and you deserve to feel loved.
#6: Fake It
Ever put a Beyonce song on, and some heels, and pretended to be her? Makes you feel pretty indestructible, huh? Well if you translate some of that fake confidence into real life, it ends up having a similar effect. Confidence isn't walking into a room and thinking you're better than everyone else. It's walking into a room without having to even compare yourself. Adopt this approach, and begin with body language. Hold your shoulders back, make eye contact, smile at people and stand tall. The more you look like you're confident, the more you start to feel it. Compliment yourself, even if you start out jokingly. Look in the mirror, wink at yourself, tell yourself how amazing you are. Take a thousand selfies. Share them, What begins as fake self-assurance slowly begins to become habitual self-assurance and you find yourself believing the things you say. If not, you still have fun, and the outcome is the same.
